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IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF, WHO WILL?

BY SUREME LASTER BEY

THURSDAY, MARCH 22, 2012

“You have to love yourself before you love somebody else,” we’ve all heard it but what does that really mean? How do you go about it, especially if you are a serial single or reemerging single?

If ever asked do you love yourself the average person says, “Yes, of course,” and let’s face it why wouldn’t you. What is there not to love? You are smart, fun to be around and not too bad on the eyes, but do you really love yourself?  If you’re like me loving you comes in waves. Some days you love yourself more than anyone or anything in the world. Then there are other times it’s harder to find those parts you love about you especially if there is not anyone around to mirror your same sentiments back to you. No one to say I love your eyes, your hair or your outfit. Why do we equate loving ourselves with someone else?

First off, that kind of thinking makes absolutely no sense to put loving you with the same idea of someone else’s stamp of approval.  The math just doesn’t add up (that’s some new math as some of us call it).  You + Another = We but You + You= You. Loving yourself in my opinion is just that, love and self. Love is supposed to be accepting, understanding, communicating, respecting as well as giving.

If you are not accepting to your personal flaws and conscience of the things that you do that may bring harm to yourself and those around you, you have missed an important step. You have to understand yourself.  Ask yourself the questions that you should know in order for someone else to know how to deal with you. If you like certain foods explore why. Explore everything you like and dislike because the better understanding you have about yourself the more appreciation you will have for you. One important component to any relationship is communication bycommunicating clearly to yourself your dreams, goals and aspirations you have set for yourself. This can help you make better-informed decisions day to day. Aretha spelled it, sang it and told us how to go about it, R.E.S.P.E.C.T find out what it means to YOU! When you respect yourself you will not allow anyone else to disrespect you. Respecting yourself is also how you treat yourself daily. What foods are you putting into your body? What exercises are you doing to remain healthy? We all love a drink, but are you drinking too much or the wrong things? I always say if you wouldn’t say or do it in front of your mother then don’t do it or at least question why you  are and make another informed decision based on you and not your environment.  We are taught : It’s better to give then to receive but you got to give to you before you go giving to others. If you are not giving yourself the attention and time needed to be a better yourself, what are you going to give to someone else? Go out on the town alone, have dinner or a movie, concert or trip. Treat yourself. I will do anything alone because I enjoy doing things by myself time to time. Sometimes you don’t need another person around to receive all the pleasure you need and I often find I’m satisfied even better when it’s just… me.

My definition of love-acceptance, understanding, communication, respect and giving are all the things I want to find in the one I partner with for the rest of my life, just as these words can be used to guide them to me. We can use them to guide ourselves to loving ourselves, because as we know, “If you don’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else.” Shoutout to RuPaul.

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